


Fade Away

by Bastet1970



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-25
Updated: 2011-11-25
Packaged: 2017-10-26 12:43:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/283276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bastet1970/pseuds/Bastet1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk is facing death. If he survives, he vows to ask Spock the one question he had been afraid to until now.</p><p>***I will issue one warning with this story-Caveat lector which essentially means 'Let the reader beware'***</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fade Away

Kirk lay stretched out on his back, with both arms out to his side. He weakly pulled at the bonds that held him fast to the sacrificial stone slab. Cold, he was so cold now, despite the warm air. And, so tired. It was so tempting now just to close his eyes, and stop fighting the inevitable...

 

 

This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Death never frightened him, but this wasn't how he had imagined his end. Long forgotten ideals of his wayward youth came back to him. How he dreaded becoming old and worn out, discarded and forgotten. Old soldiers never die; they just fade away. He had the notion once of dying young, going out fighting with his boots on. How ironic. Here he was, dying young, but slowly fading away as his life essence left him drop by drop.

 

 

But it was regret that filled him and take the blood's place. There was so much unfinished, so much left unspoken. He would die and never know...no closure, no peace, only loneliness. Always alone.

 

 

He was such a fool. Afraid of the emotions that he felt would shatter him...and destroy his friend.

 

 

Friend. Brother of the soul. It had been a relationship that had filled him as no other. Spirit brother, the other had called him once. Never had it developed beyond that, for the other had explained that theirs was more than a mere friendship, but also transgressed beyond that of a physical one.

 

 

But, could it have been more? Why could he have not sought the courage? Now it would be too late. Even if the other could not return what he wished, at least he would know. He would die knowing if the other loved him or not, as he loved him.

 

 

His left arm had grown numb. He looked over at it. Blood was dripping out of the tube that had been crudely jammed into the vein. They were slowly bleeding him to death, his blood to appease their god. Done slowly so that each precious drop would run carefully down the stone to be collected, so that nothing was wasted. He twisted his right wrist again. If only he could slip free. Nothing held his legs. But, he was so weak now from the loss of blood, even though the sedating drug they had given him to prevent struggle had worn off by now.

 

 

The odd and eerie sound of the natives drums thrummed through his ears. His senses were becoming distorted. The sounds echoed and reverberated; his vision was blurry. His brain was being denied the oxygen-rich blood it desperately needed.

 

 

He vowed to himself, if he got free, there would be no more secrets, no more longing, no more hiding. He would never face death again without having the answer to his question. Yes or no Spock, do you love me?

 

 

Spock. The name was like a comforting touch in his mind. Where are you now? Looking for me no doubt. By now, the landing party had probably made it back to the Enterprise. Every available resource would be at Spock's disposable to trace him. The natives may have been primitive, but the technology from the ancient days still existed. Had the civilization regressed in some way, losing their knowledge in the process? Had there been some war? It didn't matter now. The natives may not know how it worked anymore, but still knew what it did.

 

 

Kirk gave himself to them so that they would let the others go. For their trespass on their sacred site, one had to die. If no one came forward, then they would all die. His eyes locked with Spock's as they ushered him into the chamber. Kirk saw a combination of shock, fear, and something else in Spock's eyes as he disappeared in their version of a transporter beam. Something which may have been...a longing.

 

 

Do you love me?

 

 

So tired. Just, so tired. It would be so easy, just like going to sleep. The lids began to close...No! He felt himself grow angry. There was no pain. How dare they make death like a sweet abyss! It will not end like this! Get your wrist free man! The natives were on the other side of the bridge. They can't see your right side, so they would never know it that you freed yourself until it's too late. You can jump into the water and let the current take you.

 

 

Again and again, Kirk yanked at the bindings. Yes, it's coming loose. One last tug and...

 

 

Kirk whipped his freed hand over and quickly got his other hand free. A shout from a native raised the alarm just as he yanked the tube from his arm. The blood flowed freely from the wound, but there was no time to bind it. He leaped into the water.

 

 

The yelling coming from the natives were muffled and distorted from beneath the water. He pushed them to the back of his mind, and focused on staying under as long as he could to avoid their spears. Fortunately, the water was warm, and his adrenaline was on full throttle. Save his energy and let the current push him downstream, slowly moving to the far side of the river.

 

 

Finally, Kirk felt his lungs start to burn. His head broke the surface well downstream, but still far away from shore. Some of the natives were running along the opposite shore, others had just crossed over the bridge in an attempt to try and surround him on both sides. He began to swim with all of his might, and could hear slapping sounds around him as spears and other projectiles met the water in an attempt to stop him.

 

 

The yelling gradually faded as if being slowly swallowed by the forest as the fast moving water carried him further away. He disappeared around a bend. When he felt it was safe enough, Kirk swam to the shore. There was little time to decide which way to go. The natives would continue to travel downstream. The unfamiliar forest would normally not be a wise choice to enter unprepared, but it would provide cover. His training would enable him to move through it carefully, without leaving behind signs that could be tracked. Without further thought, he stumbled into the dense foliage.

 

 

The heavy woods closed around Kirk as he made his way, yet seemed to part for him as he slipped between the trees. He moved steadily, but kept his pace controlled. It would do no good to get this far, then break a leg for his troubles.

 

 

His left arm was throbbing, which caused him to remember his wound. It was time to tend to it, to prevent any more blood loss. All his reserves were needed now. He ducked underneath a giant fern, and tore a long strip of fabric from his waist. They had removed his command shirt, but replaced it with a sleeveless tunic, which was adorned with strange symbols.

 

 

After he finished binding his arm, he pressed on. It didn't matter for the moment where he was going; all he needed to do was buy time. Every precious second he earned was one more for Spock to find him. Surely by now, the Enterprise's sensors would pick up his readings. The natives on the planet were humanoid, but had slight differences. It would be soon now; Spock wouldn't let him down.

 

 

Night was falling, but Kirk pressed on despite the limited seeing. Exhaustion was creeping throughout his limbs, but sheer willpower kept him moving. Distant cries could be an animal, but could also be the ones hunting him.

 

 

The last of the light faded, and the black bodies of trees stood silhouetted on either side of him, but still he walked. His body was screaming its protest, but he ignored it.

 

 

Bright stars would peek through an occasional break in the canopy. Kirk came to a small clearing, and paused to look up. The stars seemed strange from here, so familiar, yet something different. They seemed to be arranged in strange patterns, and twinkled as if alive. Even when he closed his eyes, he almost could still see them. As he opened them again, they came showering down, and danced around him like fireflies. He would try to reach out to catch one, but it would dart away before he could. A surprised laugh came from his lips. He was back home, chasing the fireflies with Sam across the fields in August.

 

 

Kirk awoke in the crook of a tree. It was still night. He automatically looked up to see the stars once again in the sky. Such an odd dream, he thought. He also couldn't remember finding the shelter, but decided it was safe enough for now.

 

 

The morning light warmed Kirk's face, and he basked in it for a long satisfying moment. Hunger and thirst rudely forced him out of his small sanctuary as he fully awakened. Dew had collected on the underside of the ferns, and he sucked down the drops until his throat felt less raw. There appeared to be nothing edible, but hopefully soon he would be back aboard the ship, polishing off a huge stack of pancakes.

 

 

He could tell from the rising sun which way to keep moving, and to his best knowledge away from where the natives were. His feet protested as he set out. What was keeping Spock? He was confused as to why they hadn't been able to locate him. Was there something wrong with the ship's sensors? Was something on the planet interfering in some way? He pushed down the small bubble of panic. No, he was going to get out of here somehow; he had to keep believing that.

 

 

Kirk found some sort of road that appeared as the woods thinned. Wary to be back out in the open, he decided to take it when it seemed not be one that had seen travel in some time. In fact, the whole area seemed deathly still. He walked along the road seemingly for a long time, and may have fallen asleep on his feet along the way. He could feel his throat become parched again, his mouth and eyes felt swollen. His footsore feet could no longer feel the road beneath. But sheer determination, and need for that answer, kept him moving.

 

 

Do you love me Spock?

 

 

Kirk came across no huts, no farmer's fields, no signs of any civilization. A wind would occasionally rustle the trees, and carry upon it sounds which resembled those of an ancient tongue. They almost seemed to be directly speaking to him, alluring him with promises of untold secrets unveiled.

 

 

The road suddenly came to a fence, with a gate. Lush rolling hills covered with soft grass was beyond. It would be a risk, but water and food were so desperately needed. He opened the gate, and walked along the fence. Soon, a small dwelling was within his vision, like a beacon as it stood out against blue sky.

 

 

Cautiously, Kirk approached. There seemed to be no sign of anyone. Peering inside a window, he could see no one within. He circled the building before stopping at the door. He tested it, and was slightly surprised to find it not locked. Any moment, he expected someone to appear, but no one ever did.

 

 

He entered, and paused to listen as he closed the door behind him. Nothing. All was as quiet as the road had been, save for those strange sounds that had been carried upon the wind. Now, even the wind outside had stilled.

 

 

The kitchen was warm and inviting. In an odd way, it reminded him of his mother's kitchen on the farm. Simple and clean. His mother had never been one for fancy ornaments. He felt a pang as he thought of her, so sad to see her youngest leave for space, yet still so loving and supportive. She had understood all too well the restless spirit that was James Kirk, and knew that trying to quell that spirit would have been like trying to tame the ocean.

 

 

After a short search, he found a container of an amber liquid. It tasted like the tea Spock sometimes shared with him. It was refreshing and renewed his dampened spirits. He started his search for food when he heard a noise at the door.

 

 

Instinctively, he crouched behind a table. He could see the light filling the next room as the door opened. He prepared himself for flight or fight.

 

 

A familiar sound reached his ears-a buzzing sound. The sound of a tricorder. He got up and looked into the room, and the sight which greeted him was more welcomed than if he had come upon an angel sent from Heaven.

 

 

Spock!

 

 

Spock looked up as Kirk came into the room. Kirk felt himself finally let go, and fell forwards into Spock's arms. Spock said nothing, just held him tightly to his chest. Everything was alive again. The light that streamed though the windows became brilliant in its radiance, bathing both of them in its golden light.

 

 

Kirk regained his balance, and locked eyes with Spock. He embodied strength, yet gentleness as that supporting grip tightened about him. I never realized how beautiful your eyes were Spock. Or maybe I did, and didn't have the courage to acknowledge it. Well, no more running my friend.

 

 

Spock opened his mouth as if to speak.

 

 

“Wait,” Kirk interrupted. “Before you say anything, before anything else, I need to tell you something. Something I've wanted to say for a long time, but was too afraid to.”

 

 

Spock tilted his head forwards, an encouragement to continue.

 

 

“I...love you Spock.”

 

 

An amused eyebrow quirked up. “I know you do Jim.”

 

 

“Then answer me! I'll accept whatever your feelings are, but I need to know either way. Do you love me?”

 

 

It seemed an eternity, but Kirk knew it was only a second or two before he saw Spock begin to reply.

 

 

Then...

 

 

Spock's image began to blur and fade before any sound came out. Kirk felt himself standing alone, the warm arms gone from him. He watched in horror as a dull whiteness took over where Spock had been. Spock was still at the middle of it, but he was rapidly fading and growing smaller as he was pulled further back and away by something. Not even his desperate cry would bring Spock back to him. The last image of Spock was of him vainly reaching out to Kirk, and what might have been a tear sliding down his cheek.

 

 

The house around him also vanished, till there was nothing left but the milky whiteness. Then, it too faded, till all was silence and darkness.......

 

 

With a signal from the native's leader, all the drums ended. He examined the body of the man on the sacrificial stone. Already his eyes were dilating in death. Their god would be satisfied.

 

 

*********************************************************************

 

 

“I've never seen anything like it,” McCoy said as his shined a light into Spock's unresponsive eyes. “He appears to have gone through some huge physiological shock. What do you make of it?”

 

 

Doctor M'Benga read the readings from the sick bay scanner. “I agree Doctor McCoy. He's not quite in a coma, but he's not in a healing trance either.”

 

 

“Have you ever come across this before during your internship?”

 

 

“I might have. We got a Vulcan in who had been violently interrupted during a meld. His state was similar to this.”

 

 

“A meld? Spock was found alone in his quarters like this. Records show no one going in or out of his cabin since he went there after shift to work. He was determined to trace that transporter beam and find Jim.”

 

 

Doctor M'Benga shrugged his shoulders in confusion. “I don't know what else to say.”

 

 

McCoy looked down at Spock, then back to his readings. They seemed to be slightly fainter now. “Will he come out of it?”

 

 

“The other Vulcan didn't. You see, the violent interruption was because of the other's death. It was his bondmate. I think he lost the will to live. He simply....faded away.”

 

 

McCoy looked abruptly back down at Spock. Both knew that Spock wasn't bonded. He wasn't melded to anyone. But yet, he did seem to be fading away, like he had lost his will to go on.

 

 

“Doctor McCoy,” Nurse Chapel drew him from his thoughts. “Mister Scott is trying to reach you. He sounded quite urgent.”

 

 

McCoy walked into his office and sat down. He switched on his conn. “McCoy here.”

 

 

The shaky voice of Scotty filled him with foreboding. “Doctor McCoy,” A long, awful pause. “We found Captain Kirk...”

 

 

Deep inside of Spock, a tormented answer, one which for now would not be heard, reverberated over and over. “Yes Jim, I also love you.”


End file.
